I have always heard the following advice since I entered higher education six years ago: “you know you’re growing when what you’re doing makes you a bit scared or uncomfortable. If you feel comfortable in what you are doing you’re not growing.”
But how does that work out, when it feels like you’re putting one fire out to find another has popped up? Is it really growth when it feels like a domino effect of failure? The main question I find myself asking is ‘is this [degree] really worth it?’ After a good cry or night off/out I tend to be able to pull myself together and push forward.
What happens when you have to keep going without that break?
What if your light at the end of the tunnel is after finals, this intense week at work, big project etc. While I am a huge proponent of taking mental health days, expressing your emotions, and taking a step back to destress; I understand that it sometimes not possible to do that.
Story time: This past summer, I was working 70+ hours on average to put myself through my study abroad program. I was working seven days a week and only seeing the inside of my house to shower and sleep. My eating habits were so bad and my relationship was in its final days. On top of that I had severe tooth pain from a complicated root canal.
On days that I wasn’t passing out from exhaustion, I was crying myself to sleep from stress my relationship brought. Y’all, I was in a bad place. But I needed to power through to get to what I was my goal: studying abroad in Scotland.
While, I did make an appointment to see a psychologist on campus, it added stress of juggling time off work, traffic, my appointment, parking etc. Nothing seemed to help me relieve this stress.
At this point I had stopped comparing my life to those of my peers who seem happy by their social media posts. I knew I was drowning but growing from these experiences. Yes, actual growth.
My internship as difficult as it was, it was breathing life into me by allowing me to pursue a passion I had let fizzle. I was making connections and getting an outlet for creativity i craved and gave me challenges that kept me mentally stimulated.
Having to juggle two jobs across LA County over 30 miles apart taught me time management and sticking to lists.
I am far from perfect struggling with self discipline. I am also a pessimist, so I find finding the ‘silver lining’ difficult at times. I found that making ‘To-D0 Lists,’ getting a planner, and really re-training my brain to get some sort of satisfaction from small accomplishments made the summer bearable. It also allowed me to feel like I was making progress and like less of a failure. I believe that allowing ourselves to see our accomplishments on paper sometimes is that tiny reassurance that we are doing something worthwhile.
This summer was so hard. My emotional and mental health took a huge blow, but looking back I was able to see I accomplished so much. In bouts of stress, I urge you to take advantage of the resources available to you as a student.
Use those psychologist appointments included in your tuition fees (you pay to use the medical center on campus), do that free yoga class put on by the union, the gym membership (may also be included in tuition fees), attend health fairs to find free and low cost treatments/services.
This time in our lives is so hard, and we don’t have to suffer alone. Failure isn’t always a bad thing it teaches where we have to grow, what we have to leave behind, and what we want in life. This past summer was one of putting out fires, but combing through the ashes I can find the new healthy growth.
Give yourself the break that you need if you can. But if you can’t, break things down to manageable goals to keep yourself from burning out.
Isaias Dassum 