A Hallmark holiday that is tough on some and tougher on others.
I have so many mother figures in my life: the”mom friend,” my friend’s moms who took me under their wings, and I became one of their own, and my own mother.
The relationship with my mother is *interesting* to say the least. I was a latchkey kid along with my older siblings and was not raised to be an emotionally healthy adult. So it is taking a lot of time to unpack, work through, and come to terms with the mixed emotions associated my mother. Basically I am having to re-parent myself to better my relationships, in all aspects of my life.
My advice to bettering your relationship with your mother, strained or not, is this:
- Actively try to understand where your trauma comes from.What are the reasons for the flaws in your relationship with your mother? Was she unable to show love? Did she have mood swings? Trying to understand the reasons behind the actions will make the next steps easier.
- Whatever has been done to you/ what you have gone through forgive your mom.
- Forgive for yourself, not for them. Holding a grudge does not help you, carrying that negativity will not help you heal. Forgiving will bring you to the next step.
- Build healthy boundaries.
- This will allow you to allow when and if you contact your mother. It will also allow you to protect yourself, and force others to respect you and treat you as you want to be treated to be involved in your life.
This has helped me better my relationship with my mother. As well as reading some of the following books:
- Mothers Who Can’t Love -Susan Forward, PhD
- What a Time to be Alone: The Slumflower’s Guide to Why You are Already Enough –
Chidera Eggerue follow her on instagram @theslumflower
*I will update this list as I read more books.
Regardless if you celebrate Mother’s Day, have your mom or not, things get better when you begin taking care of yourself and allow that healing to spread to other aspects of your life.
Isaias Dassum 